The three types of feedback

Originally posted on LinkedIn on 08 Dec 2025

Most feedback conversations fail before they even start.
Because we try to answer three different questions at once.

How am I doing.
How can I get better.
Do you notice my effort.

Performance.
Improvement.
Appreciation.

Each one matters.
But each one meets a different need.

And when they get mixed, the message blurs.
The intention gets lost.
The relationship strains.

This is the third post in my series on hard conversations. I share the full series (and monthly reflections) in my newsletter.

Some of these ideas are inspired by the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

When people know which conversation they’re in, they can listen. They can grow. They can trust you.