Many leaders make this move when indirect feedback shows up

Originally posted on LinkedIn on 26 Jan 2026

Many leaders make this move when indirect feedback shows up.
And it often backfires.

Someone brings you critical feedback about a person on your team.
Your instinct is to encourage them to speak directly to each other and step out.

I see this reflex again and again with thoughtful leaders.
And it came up in a recent coaching conversation too.

You know the moment.
You feel responsible.
And uncomfortable.

You do not want to make the issue bigger than it is.
You do not want your team member to feel talked about behind their back.
You do not want to damage a relationship that might already be fragile.

So you choose what feels clean and fair.
You send them back to each other.

Often, that is where it ends.
They decide it is not worth raising after all.
They do not want to make a big deal of it.
And the tension quietly stays in the system.

Here is the insight that shifted things for the leader I was working with:

They were holding one dilemma where there were actually two.

How people feel about the situation
and
What the right next step is

When those get mixed, leaders often default to emotional care and unintentionally step away from responsibility.

Separating them changes everything.

You can acknowledge frustration without agreeing with it.
You can encourage direct dialogue and still hold the system.
You can care deeply about relationships without outsourcing leadership.

Sometimes the most helpful move is simply to say:

What do you hope I will do with what you just shared?
And are you open to me speaking with the other person about it?

That is not triangulation.
That is leadership.

Indirect feedback is uncomfortable because it sits exactly where leadership actually matters.